


I Don't Want To Get Over You

by caswella



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 03:01:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1535093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caswella/pseuds/caswella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants this, for the rest of his life, however short it may be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want To Get Over You

It was the words he shared between Mikasa and Armin, the radical way he thought that outside the walls there was beauty beyond blood and monsters, the reckless determination to exterminate the Titans.

Then it was also the small things, the soft smile he would share with his two childhood friends, the laugh he let out at dinner, the quiet strength he asserted during lessons to prove himself.

It was even the way he slept; at first curled in on himself with nightmares that he wanted to take away, to make better and kiss the furrowed brow till it was thinned of creases. It was the way he clenched his fist into the pillow and the way he slightly parted his lips. Breakfast, lunch and dinner it was the way he slowly sipped at his gruel, not caring of the taste because he was just thankful to have a warm meal.

During training it was the narrowed eyes of exhilaration and sly grin when he went above and beyond expectations, his own and the instructors.

All these things Jean was falling in love with and he hated himself for it. Every little gesture and he was falling in love with the pretentious Eren Jaeger, and finding more things every day to continue to do so, a spiralling abyss where all he wanted to do was hold him, touch him and feel him and take all the bad and pain away.

He continued to feel this after the battle of Trost, felt it when he saw Eren rise out of the steam of the Titan like some kind of messiah, felt it more acutely when he realized the Marco, his one good friend, was dead and his way to unwind and relax and feel better was gone, felt it half way through the expedition beyond the walls when he thought he would die, felt it when they fitted him to take Eren’s place in the capital. He still felt it, in the little hut the last of the 104th occupied, along with Levi and Hanji Zoe.

And now it’s worse, because before he thought he could just look from afar and isolate these feelings out of him, a dull ache that reminded him of a dying fire, suffocating; instead everyday he wonders if it’s going to be his last, and every moment he thinks ‘ _he’ll never know’_ and if nothing comes to kill him that thought most certainly would.

Every little thing that Jean is in love with contributes to the whole that is Eren, and when he sees Eren doing these things, doing the small things and the noticeable things he thinks, ‘ _I’m going to tell him_ ’ but he doesn’t because if he does he can’t take it back, he can’t be safe in his little den of normality and caution.

They have bigger fish to fry as well, wondering about this conspiracy involving the Wall Cult and the Titans in the walls, the Military Police that he almost joined. He sometimes wonders if he joined the Police, if he would learn of their secrets and would care like he cared now.

So he thinks, days on end, waiting for something, after actions that Eren makes that even he is unaware of, if he should tell the shape shifter. Would it be selfish of him to do so? Would he feel better? Would Eren even reciprocate his feelings?

Now that would be a laugh. Eren caring for Jean? And in the same way Jean cares for Eren? A pipe dream and he knows it. But his _chest_.

So when they’re cleaning, Eren and Jean banished to the kitchen to hand wash dishes, Eren to scrape and scrub, and Jean to dry and stack, he feels that this is the right moment to say it, while everyone is off doing their own chores, them alone in the kitchen.

“So I’m in love with you.”

The plate Eren holds unceremoniously drops back into the sink, water splashing onto the front of his shirt. He stares at Jean with wide green eyes, one of the most beautiful parts of him, Jean thinks wryly, and stays silent, mouth wide and not forming any words.

With nothing better to do Jean fills the space with reasoning and explanations.

“I know it’s probably not the right time, with everything but I- I keep thinking that this… profession doesn’t exactly have a high life expectancy rate and I wanted to say it before I… couldn’t?”

Eventually, Eren closes his mouth, turns back to the sink to stare at the murky depths, and clutches at the counter like a life line. Jean can’t help but gauge his reaction and plow on.

“It’s selfish of me, I know, I’m sorry, but I wanted to let you know and you can turn me down, I’ll be sad but it won’t ruin me, you know? I’ll still fight and help… I’ll do whatever it is that you need to figure out this conspiracy. I’m… I’m saying this for me, because if I don’t say it now I don’t know when I’ll be able to.” The water he is using to dry the plates is still now, his words jumbled and rambling and long-winded. He just wants Eren to know, he just can’t carry this weight in his chest anymore.

Funnily enough, he does feel lighter. He doesn’t expect it to last though.

Beside him, Eren is still, both of them facing the sink not bothering to move and Jean thinks as he clenches his hands into fists and closes his eyes, ‘ _it’s done, just waiting for the fallout’_

The fallout never comes, instead he feels a tentative hand touch his, unfolding his fingers from its tight form. Opening his eyes he stares down at the hand Eren has gently entangled with his, their hands still wet from washing the dishes and Jean wonders ‘ _what?_ ’

Finally, Eren speaks.

“I don’t hate it.”

Jean tilts his head to the side, pondering Eren’s soft words. Eren sees the action and rolls his eyes, gripping Jean’s hand tighter.

“You say you love me? Well I don’t hate the idea of… of holding hands and doing… other things with you. I just… never expected it from you back.”

The words that come out of his mouth make Jean freeze, make the muscles in his body lock up and for the reaction to go noticed by Eren, who gazes at him in worry.

Squeaking out, he lowers his stare to the floorboards, “You liked me back?”

Eren splutters out a few garbled words, making Jean look at him once more. The flush that slowly spreads across Eren’s cheeks make Jean smile slightly because it’s another thing he’s fallen in love with.

“I just-! I don’t know it happened just, I thought it was stupid! You’re stupid! Clean the goddamn dishes, stop staring at me, stop smiling!”

He smiles wider and Eren hits him in the arm.

“Stop making fun of me! You’re not all that attractive. Who would like your stupid horse face?”

“Apparently you do.” Jean comments, ignoring the insult and taking the compliment it’s wrapped in.

Slowly, Jean lifts his arms, but stops short, looking at the flushed and angry Eren. “Can I hold you?”

The question he asks is important because Jean wants to know what he can and can’t do, what is allowed and what is prohibited. If this thing is going to happen Jean wants to start it off right, with gentle words and tender touches.

Eren looks away and nods slowly, and steps into Jean’s arms, raising his own to circle his waist. Jean lets his arms encircle Eren’s shoulder’s, one hand cradling his head and stroking his soft hair that Jean had fallen in love with on day two of training.

He lays his cheek on top of the soft locks, breathes in and out for a minute, lets the warmth from Eren’s body seep into him and heats his core. The odd fluttering in his chest maximizes to an odd agonizing point until the fluttering forms into words that come out of his mouth.

“Could I um- kiss you?”

Stupid, stupid. Why did he ask? He sounds like an idiot, what if Eren’s not ready to kiss him? He should wait and read the mood, not ask him like a child asks for permission for more food. It’s pathetic, he thinks.

He doesn’t notice the nod of affirmation that Eren gives, simply feels it on his chest and leans back to take in the red face of Eren’s. He swallows, wonders if this will go tits up on him or if he’ll use too much spit or if his lips will be too dry.

There’s so many variable to consider that he takes too long, and Eren, impatient, takes hold of Jeans lapels and brings him down the few centimeters to kiss him.

It’s hard in the beginning, but turns soft when Jean starts to contribute, turning his face to the left so for their noses not to awkwardly bump against each other. Eren’s lips are soft, shapely and feel fantastic against his thin chapped ones. The hand on his lapels move up to his neck and into his hair, grabbing at it and tugging slightly and Jean gasps into their kiss and can taste the smirk on Eren’s lips. Taking advantage Eren slips his tongue into Jean’s parted lips, slowly licking the roof of his mouth and making Jean shudder and tighten his hold on Eren’s shoulders.

This is good, this is great, he feels elated, feels wonderful, feels like he consumed the sun and is letting the light keep him warm and content. Each small caress makes him shake, makes him caress back, and makes Eren shake. They’re closer than they’ve ever been and the thigh in between hislegs is far too distracting. He’s against the counter now, Eren pushing and Jean pushing _back_ and it’s going too far too fast probably, but he can’t seem to really care.

They break apart, much to the dismay of Jean, thinking for a moment he was born on this Earth to hold Eren and kiss him breathless, huffing and puffing from lack of air.

“Okay.” He gasps out, feeling shaken and staring down with half lidded eyes at Eren.

Both of them are breathing harshly, and the fact that no one has interrupted them yet is crazy and Jean is thankful. Any longer he wasn’t sure he could dislodge his mouth from Eren’s.

“So could we-” Eren licks his lips, blush set firmly in place.

“Yeah?”

“More? Could we… do more?”

Something like lightning zips down Jean’s back, balling into the pit of his stomach and making him see visions of long nights in between sweaty sheets and the slick slide of skin, which is to say, he was only really getting ahead of himself.

Trying to calm himself he places his hands on Eren’s shoulders, looks him in the eyes and tries to keep his stony composure. “Are you sure that is a good idea?”

 

They share heated kisses, open mouthed and grinding against each other like it’s going out of style. Jean slides his hand down to grab at Eren’s ass because he’s seen it tied up and put on frame with their 3D Maneuver  Gear and has severely lusted over it for far too long. Wanting to get a handful and grind against the perfectly shaped ass.

“Fuck.”

Eren has Jean’s heart wrapped around his finger and he’s not even aware of it.

They’re in the small space of the closet, Jean having found the first private space he could think of and having Eren make fun of him for it, which only made them argue in hushed tones for the better part of five minutes instead of rutting like teenagers like Eren had wanted.

“Hey, you want to do it on the kitchen table go right ahead, you’re the one who says Levi likes to keep things _clean_.”

“What the hell, I only meant that it’s fucking cramped as hell, what do you want from me, a goddamn medal of honour for your choice in location?”

“Well I would be open to some fucking suggestions right now, all things considered!”

Outside the small closet came a clatter and they held their breath, hearing Connie and Sasha complaining about this and that before leaving through the door to outside. The slam that followed made Jean relax.

They stay silent, holding each other before Eren inclines his head, “So how do we do this?”

That was a good question.

Still contemplating Jean was unaware of Eren reaching for Jean’s belt, but felt when Eren started to unbuckle it with haste, mouth set in a line and eyes locked on in concentration and he finds it unbearably cute.

“What- what are you doing?” Jean’s mouth feels dry, his words soft and broken.

“You’re not giving me any ideas so I thought I would play out a few of my own.” The buckle unlatched, and Jean thought that was the end of that, a furtive hand job in the closet, yeah, he could do that. Eren started to bend his knees, going low.

“Oh my god.” Saliva was building up in his mouth and he swallowed; the sound was audible and making his thighs shakes. Eren ignored Jean’s anxiousness and continued to lower himself to the ground. In front of Jean’s pants, he looked up, a slight blush on his face and Jean couldn’t believe this was happening, that Eren was even bothering with him, was even considering to… to _blow_ him, fucking hell.

“No, hey, you don’t have to-“

“I want to, so shut the hell up and let me.”

Jean shut his mouth.

The transfixed look Eren gives Jean is downright predatory, the green of Eren’s eyes invisible to the blown pupils that stare at the twitching erection he’s sprouting through the cotton of his underwear.

“Could you stop staring at it?”

From below Eren gives Jean a glare before pulling his cotton trousers down, letting his _very_ obvious erection pop up. He’s never been more embarrassed in his life. And holy shit Eren was _licking_ it.

“Ah… ah… oh- my god.”

He flings his hand to his mouth, covering it. There was no way he was going to make those sounds. He bites his tongue for extra protection because he would rather be able to hear Eren instead of himself.

The obscene sounds Eren makes just licking him from base to the tip and then sucking long and hard are like a symphony. Jean almost comes right there.

Eren holds his hips in place, which is probably a good idea; because if Jean had it his way he would fuck Eren’s face like there was no tomorrow.

One of his hands that he has holding against the wall goes to Eren’s head, delicately playing with the hair there. Fuck, it’s so soft.

The boy below him is still sucking the tip, licking his erection and Jean is totally fine with that, he could get off like this, as long as he got another chance to experience a moment where Eren actually chokes on his dick.

And speak of the devil, just as Jean thinks he will have to wait for another time, Eren swallows him, getting as far as he can and using one hand for what he can’t fit in his warm and wet mouth.

His eyes bulge, and he curls over ever so slightly, breathing out through his nose harshly and petting Eren’s hair because god this is good.

The shifter looks so pretty, in front of Jean on his knees, lips stretched around his erection, the corner of his eyes tearing up.

He is not going to last long. The pace Eren is setting is quickening, and the hand he has at the base jacking him ever so slightly while sucking on the tip and fuck, _fuck._

For a moment he takes his hand away from his mouth, tugging on Eren’s hair to get his attention.

“Eren I’m gonna come. Eren, _Eren_.”

Eren just continues, sucking harder and bobbing his head. Jean doesn’t just want to fling Eren off his dick; that would be _rude_ , so he just grabs hold of the chestnut coloured hair with both his hands and just lets the coil of heat he’s been keeping in his pelvis release.

He shudders through it, thighs shaking and his mouth hanging open, letting out small moans of pleasure as his eyes close. Eren just keeps his mouth there, sucking him through his orgasm. When he finishes Eren licks him clean before Jean has to push him away, over sensitive and twitching.

He can’t believe this has happened.

Holy shit.

Eren sucked his dick. Eren Jaeger sucked his dick and let Jean _come in his mouth_ , holy fuck.

They’re silent, and Jean doesn’t know what to say, because he’s a little bit in love with Eren and this all kind of happened really fast. Eren wanted to do it, and he wasn’t going to begrudge him the privilege, because they could die tomorrow, and Jean didn’t want to have this black thing curling around inside him till the day he was eaten or flung out of the air.

He’s still breathing hard and when he opens his eyes back up Eren is standing in front of him, close. His lips are red, and he looks ravished to hell, and Jean, god forbid, feels his heart skip a beat.

What the fuck ever.

He grabs hold of Eren’s face and kisses him. He doesn’t care about the bitter taste, just wants his mouth on Eren’s.

He wants to keep track of every kiss they share; he wants to keep track of smiles he can get out of Eren. He wants to get him to laugh every day, multiple times a day. He even wants to hold his hand _just because_.

He wants this, for the rest of his life, however short it may be.

They break apart but not far, just far enough for Jean to rest their foreheads together. “God fucking damnit, I love you.”

Eren scoffs, covers Jean’s hands with his own.

“You’re only saying that because I blew you.”

He kisses him again, softer, sweeter, grazing his thumb across the apples of the other boys cheek.

“Even if you were missing limbs and missing part of your face I would love you. If we had a fight; even punched each other, I would still love you. Wouldn’t matter what you do. I loved you before this, I’ll love you after.”

Eren’s face is red as hell, and he tries to avoid Jean’s eyes, but his small smile is real, and Jean clocks it away to remember later.

“You’re a fucking sap.”

One more kiss to Eren’s lips before he nuzzles Eren’s noise because yes, he is a _total_ sap.

“Don’t care.”

And he doesn’t. As long as he has this for a little while, it’ll be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry.
> 
> If you want to, I don't know, follow what I do, tumblr is commandercaswell.


End file.
